(Grab your tissues Girls!)
~The doctor called today and gave me a lot of info about tests they ran on Zane today. They think that the hole in his esophagus has closed but not positive! PTL! They are doing an echo tomorrow to see if the hole in his heart has closed, please continue to pray for that! They did a test today to see if they can start him on breastmilk through a feeding tube, as they put the contrast down Zane had an aspiration and it caused his lungs to collapse so he will have to be back on the jet ventilator for a couple of days. We will know in a few days if he will be able to tolerate the feeding tube - pray :) Tomorrow they will also check the swelling on his brain so please pray that it is stable or has reduced in size! okay get ur tissues ...
As i was about to get off the phone i caught myself and said "oh did you know if they got the test results in from the chromosomal testing?" and the doctor said "oh, yes i saw a note in his chart about that and the tests came back completely normal." "Normal? As in Normal, NORMAL?!?" "yes, normal. i will talk to the geneticists tomorrow and have them call you but i have a note that says the results were normal, NO genetic defects!" AHHHH!!!! i LOVE JESUS SOO SOO MUCH, wow HE IS AMAZING!
So what exactly does this mean?- He was tested for every known genetic defect from down's syndrome, to trisomy 18 to cornelia de lange, all of them and he doesnt have ANY of them! We have now ruled out all KNOWN genetic defects including the LETHAL ones! Thank you thank you jesus!!!! You have overwhelmed me w/ your love and i am completely undone! IF Zane does have a genetic defect it is something that has never been diagnosed before and that is still a possibility. BUT, i believe this means that at this point they will begin treating Zane as a preemie w/ just preemie struggles and no genetic defect! Thank you everyone SO much for praying and PLEASE continue! Zane still has a BIG BATTLE ahead but this was a HUGE HURDLE to overcome! Doctors had told me early in the pregnancy that he would not survive b/c he would have trisomy 18 and pushed me to have an abortion and now here he is born 3mos premature without trisomy or any defect and ALIVE! Thank goodness this was in the Lord's hands! Amen! I just wish that i could tell every woman that faces this kind of news in a pregnancy Zane's story so that they could know the power of prayer and how prevalent God is TODAY. God is MOVING today! He is performing miracles all around us! Please keep praying and be blessed!
Cornelia De Lange Baby
Zane Owen-June 27, 2011.~1lb 15oz-13in
Sleeping Sweetly
Monday, July 11, 2011
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Zane's Battle Ahead
Zane has now lived one week and one day longer than some doctor's had expected he would, and I am so proud of him and overjoyed to have had this time with him. Go Zane go! At this point I am still only allowed to reach in and touch him with a sterile gloved hand, but I am hoping by the 12th to be able to hold him! One thing I love most is that I know he knows my voice, and several nurses have blessed me by letting me know that he is always much calmer when I am there. As I sing praise and worship songs to him I can watch on his monitor as his stats become stable, and I know he hears me! I love our time together.
The battle that Zane is currently faced with is certainly not one of ease. This little warrior has many obstacles to overcome. At birth he was put on a jet ventilator and a backup ventilator to assist with his breathing. There was a struggle with intubating him initially because of the anatomy of his esophagus and trachea, being they are farther apart and at an odd angle. They actually had to re-intubate as somehow in his first morning he extubated. He is now off of the jet ventilator and only requires the standard ventilator. He also breathes over his ventilator showing that he does have a breathing reflex, which is great. At this point doctors have said he may not ever be able to come off of this ventilator.
On the first day they had to put a chest tube in because of a hole in his lung that caused a pneumothorax (collapsed lung) to develop. The chest tube is now out and Zane is doing beautifully without it, Amen! Zane was also found to have a hole in his esophagus which inhibits him from being able to use a feeding tube. He is receiving all his nutrients intravenously for now. The concern is that with a feeding tube his food would leak out of the hole into his lungs and cause major problems. I should know by the end of the week what and if anything can be done to correct this for Zane. Please pray that God will correct this!
Zane also has a Grade 4 hemorrhage in his left ventricle and they are monitoring him for periventricular leukomalacia (PVL) which would essentially cause him to be brain dead in several areas of the brain. At this point in time the bleed is stable and has not spread. My prayer is that it will begin to resolve and the next CT scan will show evidence of resolution.
Finally Zane has what is called Patent Ductus Arteriosus (PDA). Which is a hole that fails to close in an infant's heart shortly after birth. Zane is currently receiving his second round of medication to help close the opening but didn't seem to respond well to the first round. After the first round it was still open and his kidney function was declining as a side effect of the indomethacin. By the end of the week they may want to operate to close the hole for Zane. I am praying that the Lord will do it for them, please do the same!
Zane has received two blood transfusions at this point, and may have to receive more, he is on bili lights to help his bilirubin level, and gets his medication and nutrients through a peripherally inserted central catheter (PICC-Line). The concerns that doctors have discussed as far as long term effects are Cerebral Palsy (mild to devastating), being brain dead, lung disease (mild to severe), Trisomy 18, Cornelia De Lange Syndrome, any other chromosomal abnormality and death. Also his preliminary testing for trisomy 18 came back negative but they are not able to rule it out completely based on that test alone. By the end of this week I should have a lot more information. From my understanding, currently they are sustaining his life until they can diagnose his condition and determine whether he will be able to survive on his own and tolerate the many possible corrective procedures necessary to do so.
Zane is such a mighty little warrior and the Lord is so faithful! I see people in the NICU and in the waiting rooms w/ tear-stained faces, mother's that seem to be feeling the weight of the world on their shoulders, but when I look at my son I am overwhelmed with joy. God has given my little boy life and I am going to soak up every ounce of happiness I am blessed to have with Zane. Today is not the day to cry, today is the day to be joyful because Zane is alive, he is a fighter and God is too! I love my son with all of my heart and nothing can replace the joy that the Lord has filled me with by allowing me these precious moments with Zane! I am just so thankful that the Lord has been so gracious as to teach me enough about Himself that I know I can have peace and joy in this time because of who He says that He is! Please continue to pray for Zane's health and sweet life, and for wisdom and discernment for me! Thank you and be blessed.
The battle that Zane is currently faced with is certainly not one of ease. This little warrior has many obstacles to overcome. At birth he was put on a jet ventilator and a backup ventilator to assist with his breathing. There was a struggle with intubating him initially because of the anatomy of his esophagus and trachea, being they are farther apart and at an odd angle. They actually had to re-intubate as somehow in his first morning he extubated. He is now off of the jet ventilator and only requires the standard ventilator. He also breathes over his ventilator showing that he does have a breathing reflex, which is great. At this point doctors have said he may not ever be able to come off of this ventilator.
On the first day they had to put a chest tube in because of a hole in his lung that caused a pneumothorax (collapsed lung) to develop. The chest tube is now out and Zane is doing beautifully without it, Amen! Zane was also found to have a hole in his esophagus which inhibits him from being able to use a feeding tube. He is receiving all his nutrients intravenously for now. The concern is that with a feeding tube his food would leak out of the hole into his lungs and cause major problems. I should know by the end of the week what and if anything can be done to correct this for Zane. Please pray that God will correct this!
Zane also has a Grade 4 hemorrhage in his left ventricle and they are monitoring him for periventricular leukomalacia (PVL) which would essentially cause him to be brain dead in several areas of the brain. At this point in time the bleed is stable and has not spread. My prayer is that it will begin to resolve and the next CT scan will show evidence of resolution.
Finally Zane has what is called Patent Ductus Arteriosus (PDA). Which is a hole that fails to close in an infant's heart shortly after birth. Zane is currently receiving his second round of medication to help close the opening but didn't seem to respond well to the first round. After the first round it was still open and his kidney function was declining as a side effect of the indomethacin. By the end of the week they may want to operate to close the hole for Zane. I am praying that the Lord will do it for them, please do the same!
Zane has received two blood transfusions at this point, and may have to receive more, he is on bili lights to help his bilirubin level, and gets his medication and nutrients through a peripherally inserted central catheter (PICC-Line). The concerns that doctors have discussed as far as long term effects are Cerebral Palsy (mild to devastating), being brain dead, lung disease (mild to severe), Trisomy 18, Cornelia De Lange Syndrome, any other chromosomal abnormality and death. Also his preliminary testing for trisomy 18 came back negative but they are not able to rule it out completely based on that test alone. By the end of this week I should have a lot more information. From my understanding, currently they are sustaining his life until they can diagnose his condition and determine whether he will be able to survive on his own and tolerate the many possible corrective procedures necessary to do so.
Zane is such a mighty little warrior and the Lord is so faithful! I see people in the NICU and in the waiting rooms w/ tear-stained faces, mother's that seem to be feeling the weight of the world on their shoulders, but when I look at my son I am overwhelmed with joy. God has given my little boy life and I am going to soak up every ounce of happiness I am blessed to have with Zane. Today is not the day to cry, today is the day to be joyful because Zane is alive, he is a fighter and God is too! I love my son with all of my heart and nothing can replace the joy that the Lord has filled me with by allowing me these precious moments with Zane! I am just so thankful that the Lord has been so gracious as to teach me enough about Himself that I know I can have peace and joy in this time because of who He says that He is! Please continue to pray for Zane's health and sweet life, and for wisdom and discernment for me! Thank you and be blessed.
Surprise Labor & Delivery
On Saturday June 25, 2011 I had planned on spending a relaxing day with someone who is very dear to me, starting with a little time at the pool. However, by 11:30am I began having contractions. They were not that painful so I continued with the day as planned, but by dinner they still hadn't stopped and so I decided if they were still going once dinner was over I should head into the hospital. Then after dinner I went to the restroom and was surprised to find I had lost fluid along with my mucous plug. Then I knew I should head to Duke Hospital to be on the safe side.
Once at Duke I was hooked up to monitors, found to be 1cm dilated and 40% effaced, very shortly afterwards I was admitted. I was put on a liquids only diet in case a c-section was needed and then we learned that Zane was breech and would require a c-section. When I reached 3cm 70% they started magnesium sulfate to slow my labor, this was after about 30 hours of labor. This medication made me feel horrible, on top of back labor and a pounding headache from not eating anything for 26hrs my body felt terribly weak and like it was on fire. Aside from that, as soon as they started the magnesium my contractions became much closer together and doubled in intensity Thankfully the Lord blessed me with loving people that took excellent care of me, tending to every need before I could even ask. Eventually the contractions did slow down for a couple of hours but the intensity stayed the same. Then at about midnight, not having felt a contraction for 20 minutes I switched positions to lay on my side and was shocked by the most intense contraction and I knew Zane was coming out!
The doctors were rushed into my room to check me and almost instantaneously my room was filled with doctors and nurses, explaining that I would have to do the birth alone and would require general anesthesia. By the time they got me to the door the attending was having to hold Zane in and from that point I had four more extremely painful contractions before I went under. I was completely overwhelmed with emotions, knowing when I woke up I would find out if my little boy had survived, knowing that my body was doing everything it could to push him out as the doctor and I were fighting to hold him in, which I believe only increased the pain. I was excited and scared, praying between screams of pain for my little warrior.
Hours later I woke up from the surgery and the c-section felt like it was on fire, it was not comfortable at all. I asked the doctor how it went and he responded with a very guarded "It went okay. How is your pain." I told him it hurts and quickly asked how my son was doing, and he told me he didn't know but that he was with the pediatricians. Then he left and said he would come back to check on me in a minute once the pain had gone down a bit. I prayed and fought back tears hoping Zane was alive and that nothing went horribly wrong with my c-section, as those closest to me began to come in and sit beside me in the recovery room. I learned from them that Zane was alive, there had been a problem with his airway and what normally took 5 minutes to do, took 35 minutes, and could not be done at most hospitals b/c they lack the more advanced equipment that is required. One nurse said that in 35 years she had never seen a baby hold on that long, I knew that was God and my little warrior! Next I learned that my little man has a 6th finger on his right hand! My mom says that makes him an overachiever. It just made me smile because the first thing I did when my other two were born was count their fingers and toes and then laugh at myself for thinking they might not have ten of each! It seemed only right that my little guy would get an extra!
A little while later my doctor returned and explained the complication with my c-section was such that I would not be able to have a vaginal delivery in the future because of the cut they had to make on my uterus. Honestly, this was such a relief to me having been wondering if it was something more extensive like a hysterectomy or something. I am not thrilled by c-sections but it is definitely not the end of the world. The anesthesiologist required that my pain be at a four before I was allowed to go and see Zane so I was pushing the pain medication button as often as I was allowed so I could get back to him as quickly as possible. At one point about an hour after waking up I realized that my son was alive and tears of joy streamed down my face. The doctor had told me it was horrible and wouldn't be okay, but because of my God I was going to meet my little boy face to face. Finally around 6 a.m. after he was born at 12:29 a.m. I was allowed back to seem him, and I was even blessed enough to have a professional photographer document our first meeting! (I cannot wait for her pictures) Zane is the best looking little preemie baby! He has a head full of blonde hair and killer eyelashes. He is one of the teeniest physical representations of a miracle I have ever seen, and I could not be more thankful for each moment I have been blessed to share with my sweet sweet boy! Thank you all for praying him into this life and this time and please continue to do so, as he continues his fight for life!
Once at Duke I was hooked up to monitors, found to be 1cm dilated and 40% effaced, very shortly afterwards I was admitted. I was put on a liquids only diet in case a c-section was needed and then we learned that Zane was breech and would require a c-section. When I reached 3cm 70% they started magnesium sulfate to slow my labor, this was after about 30 hours of labor. This medication made me feel horrible, on top of back labor and a pounding headache from not eating anything for 26hrs my body felt terribly weak and like it was on fire. Aside from that, as soon as they started the magnesium my contractions became much closer together and doubled in intensity Thankfully the Lord blessed me with loving people that took excellent care of me, tending to every need before I could even ask. Eventually the contractions did slow down for a couple of hours but the intensity stayed the same. Then at about midnight, not having felt a contraction for 20 minutes I switched positions to lay on my side and was shocked by the most intense contraction and I knew Zane was coming out!
The doctors were rushed into my room to check me and almost instantaneously my room was filled with doctors and nurses, explaining that I would have to do the birth alone and would require general anesthesia. By the time they got me to the door the attending was having to hold Zane in and from that point I had four more extremely painful contractions before I went under. I was completely overwhelmed with emotions, knowing when I woke up I would find out if my little boy had survived, knowing that my body was doing everything it could to push him out as the doctor and I were fighting to hold him in, which I believe only increased the pain. I was excited and scared, praying between screams of pain for my little warrior.
Hours later I woke up from the surgery and the c-section felt like it was on fire, it was not comfortable at all. I asked the doctor how it went and he responded with a very guarded "It went okay. How is your pain." I told him it hurts and quickly asked how my son was doing, and he told me he didn't know but that he was with the pediatricians. Then he left and said he would come back to check on me in a minute once the pain had gone down a bit. I prayed and fought back tears hoping Zane was alive and that nothing went horribly wrong with my c-section, as those closest to me began to come in and sit beside me in the recovery room. I learned from them that Zane was alive, there had been a problem with his airway and what normally took 5 minutes to do, took 35 minutes, and could not be done at most hospitals b/c they lack the more advanced equipment that is required. One nurse said that in 35 years she had never seen a baby hold on that long, I knew that was God and my little warrior! Next I learned that my little man has a 6th finger on his right hand! My mom says that makes him an overachiever. It just made me smile because the first thing I did when my other two were born was count their fingers and toes and then laugh at myself for thinking they might not have ten of each! It seemed only right that my little guy would get an extra!
A little while later my doctor returned and explained the complication with my c-section was such that I would not be able to have a vaginal delivery in the future because of the cut they had to make on my uterus. Honestly, this was such a relief to me having been wondering if it was something more extensive like a hysterectomy or something. I am not thrilled by c-sections but it is definitely not the end of the world. The anesthesiologist required that my pain be at a four before I was allowed to go and see Zane so I was pushing the pain medication button as often as I was allowed so I could get back to him as quickly as possible. At one point about an hour after waking up I realized that my son was alive and tears of joy streamed down my face. The doctor had told me it was horrible and wouldn't be okay, but because of my God I was going to meet my little boy face to face. Finally around 6 a.m. after he was born at 12:29 a.m. I was allowed back to seem him, and I was even blessed enough to have a professional photographer document our first meeting! (I cannot wait for her pictures) Zane is the best looking little preemie baby! He has a head full of blonde hair and killer eyelashes. He is one of the teeniest physical representations of a miracle I have ever seen, and I could not be more thankful for each moment I have been blessed to share with my sweet sweet boy! Thank you all for praying him into this life and this time and please continue to do so, as he continues his fight for life!
Thursday, May 19, 2011
This Week with Trisomy 18
This week and today has been one of difficulty to put it mildly, but the Lord continues to be so faithful, and fill me with His peace. Several weeks ago I was so blessed when I learned that God had healed my little Zane's heart. The joy of that news was such an incredible blessing to me. However, as this week and particularly today's doctor's appointment drew near I began to get a little anxious as I do before each doctor's appointment since finding out about Zane's condition.
Some people have been asking, "If the heart is okay then do they still think he will not survive, and why?" From what I understand the addition of a chromosome on the 18th pairing will cause Trisomy 18 babies to be unable to mentally process vital activities such as breathing, eating, etc. once they are outside of the uterus. While these babies are safe in mommy's tummy the placenta and umbilical cord do that work for them. Having an understanding that just because the heart was okay didn't mean we were out of the woods, I knew this appointment may be a bit difficult.
So what did we learn today? The good news is they now feel very confident that Zane does not have a clubbed foot which is wonderful! Also, his cystic hygroma at the back of the neck and spine is almost completely resolved. They were also able to rule out a cleft lip, which is great! However one of my concerns, that he was not developing as I haven't gained weight in the past month, was confirmed today. Currently Zane is two weeks behind where he should be as far as his size goes, which isn't a great sign. The issue that I learned about today that seems more disconcerting is Zane's umbilical cord. As I have mentioned previously, there is a cystic mass in his umbilical cord, as well as having only one artery where there should be two. Today I learned that there are several cystic masses now in the umbilical cord and they are quite large. When the doctor pointed out to me where the mass was, and what I was looking at my heart sank. The largest cyst in his umbilical cord is about equal to the size of the width of Zane's body currently. I am amazed and blessed that Zane is still alive and fighting after seeing so many of those masses, so large clogging up his life source. The concern at this point is that I am very likely to miscarry because if the cysts continue to grow they will not leave room for the nutrients to move freely through the cord to Zane. Currently the amount of flow passing the cysts is incredibly small but still working. My little man needs prayer for these cysts to miraculously resolve.
I have to admit that today was very difficult, and definitely sobering. He is my little boy, and it just didn't look good. He is so precious, he has a little tiny jaw, tiny clenched fists, and low set ears but is still so adorable even on ultrasound. My heart broke as I longed to save him, and I couldn't keep from feeling helpless for a moment. However, the Lord reminded me gently "I am the one that raises the dead, I am the one that heals holes in a tiny baby's heart, if anyone can save Zane it will be Me." I do not know what the Lord has for my baby boy, but I know no matter His plan, it is far better than anything I could do on my own. I much rather trust Him to save Zane, than for it to be solely in my hands. Also, I felt so blessed today by the experience of that particular ultrasound before I received the update on what was being seen. I got to watch him in 3D real time, kind of like watching a video of him squirm around. We got lots of great pictures of him in 3D, and while we were on regular ultrasound they viewed his little feet and got him to move around. It was so much fun to watch his little toes wiggle and his teeny feet kicking back and forth. I continue to be thankful for the time that i have been blessed with to feel Zane alive inside of me, for every second I hear his heart pitter patter, and for each moment I get to see him on ultrasound. Please continue to pray for Zane as he continues to fight this big battle each day. Thank you all, and be blessed!
Some people have been asking, "If the heart is okay then do they still think he will not survive, and why?" From what I understand the addition of a chromosome on the 18th pairing will cause Trisomy 18 babies to be unable to mentally process vital activities such as breathing, eating, etc. once they are outside of the uterus. While these babies are safe in mommy's tummy the placenta and umbilical cord do that work for them. Having an understanding that just because the heart was okay didn't mean we were out of the woods, I knew this appointment may be a bit difficult.
So what did we learn today? The good news is they now feel very confident that Zane does not have a clubbed foot which is wonderful! Also, his cystic hygroma at the back of the neck and spine is almost completely resolved. They were also able to rule out a cleft lip, which is great! However one of my concerns, that he was not developing as I haven't gained weight in the past month, was confirmed today. Currently Zane is two weeks behind where he should be as far as his size goes, which isn't a great sign. The issue that I learned about today that seems more disconcerting is Zane's umbilical cord. As I have mentioned previously, there is a cystic mass in his umbilical cord, as well as having only one artery where there should be two. Today I learned that there are several cystic masses now in the umbilical cord and they are quite large. When the doctor pointed out to me where the mass was, and what I was looking at my heart sank. The largest cyst in his umbilical cord is about equal to the size of the width of Zane's body currently. I am amazed and blessed that Zane is still alive and fighting after seeing so many of those masses, so large clogging up his life source. The concern at this point is that I am very likely to miscarry because if the cysts continue to grow they will not leave room for the nutrients to move freely through the cord to Zane. Currently the amount of flow passing the cysts is incredibly small but still working. My little man needs prayer for these cysts to miraculously resolve.
I have to admit that today was very difficult, and definitely sobering. He is my little boy, and it just didn't look good. He is so precious, he has a little tiny jaw, tiny clenched fists, and low set ears but is still so adorable even on ultrasound. My heart broke as I longed to save him, and I couldn't keep from feeling helpless for a moment. However, the Lord reminded me gently "I am the one that raises the dead, I am the one that heals holes in a tiny baby's heart, if anyone can save Zane it will be Me." I do not know what the Lord has for my baby boy, but I know no matter His plan, it is far better than anything I could do on my own. I much rather trust Him to save Zane, than for it to be solely in my hands. Also, I felt so blessed today by the experience of that particular ultrasound before I received the update on what was being seen. I got to watch him in 3D real time, kind of like watching a video of him squirm around. We got lots of great pictures of him in 3D, and while we were on regular ultrasound they viewed his little feet and got him to move around. It was so much fun to watch his little toes wiggle and his teeny feet kicking back and forth. I continue to be thankful for the time that i have been blessed with to feel Zane alive inside of me, for every second I hear his heart pitter patter, and for each moment I get to see him on ultrasound. Please continue to pray for Zane as he continues to fight this big battle each day. Thank you all, and be blessed!
Friday, April 29, 2011
Trisomy 18 Has Nothing on God
Oh my God you have overwhelmed me! Though i have been found unfaithful, destitute in my weakness, and so undeserving, still You love me, You allow Your mercy and grace to abound, You remain faithful! You have filled me with a DIVINE joy and pleasure unmatched by anything this world has to offer! I am swept away by a raging river of Your love!
Over the past few weeks we have learned that my baby is a boy which makes him a Zane Owen! Zane means God's gracious gift, and Owen means young warrior! The doctors were seeing VSD (a hole in the heart), possible pericardial fluid (abnormal fluid around the heart), and were concerned about more severe defects such as transposition. Today I was seen at Duke Hospital to receive a fetal echocardiogram for a diagnosis of Zane's heart condition(s).
I am by no means a sonographer or a cardiologist. However, my experience in sitting through several ultrasounds has moderately trained my eyes to what the fetal heart should look like. Several weeks ago as they looked at Zane's heart, before anyone said a word I could tell something was wrong. I did not know what it was, but I could tell it did not look the way it should, and that is when I was informed of the VSD and suspicion for further defects. Today as Zane came up on the monitor I looked at his little heart for so long, and to me it looked completely normal, a drastic change from the previous ultrasound. However, I had to wait for the doctors to tell me what they were seeing. I assumed I was probably not seeing what I thought I was and continued to brace myself for the worst.
After over an hour of looking and a few minutes of measuring the doctor gave me the best news of my pregnancy to date! Zane's heart is completely normal! That is nothing less than a miracle straight from Zane's Daddy and mine that is smiling down on us from heaven. I really believe the Lord healed and corrected sweet Zane's heart over the past few weeks. The only problem that was seen was that the heart was measuring a little small for my gestation, but the heart was perfectly proportional and looks as though it will continue to grow correctly. Zane, like every other baby, will just need as much time as possible to develop before I am holding him in my arms. I am overwhelmed by God's love through this miracle, He is so so good to us!
Over the past few weeks we have learned that my baby is a boy which makes him a Zane Owen! Zane means God's gracious gift, and Owen means young warrior! The doctors were seeing VSD (a hole in the heart), possible pericardial fluid (abnormal fluid around the heart), and were concerned about more severe defects such as transposition. Today I was seen at Duke Hospital to receive a fetal echocardiogram for a diagnosis of Zane's heart condition(s).
I am by no means a sonographer or a cardiologist. However, my experience in sitting through several ultrasounds has moderately trained my eyes to what the fetal heart should look like. Several weeks ago as they looked at Zane's heart, before anyone said a word I could tell something was wrong. I did not know what it was, but I could tell it did not look the way it should, and that is when I was informed of the VSD and suspicion for further defects. Today as Zane came up on the monitor I looked at his little heart for so long, and to me it looked completely normal, a drastic change from the previous ultrasound. However, I had to wait for the doctors to tell me what they were seeing. I assumed I was probably not seeing what I thought I was and continued to brace myself for the worst.
After over an hour of looking and a few minutes of measuring the doctor gave me the best news of my pregnancy to date! Zane's heart is completely normal! That is nothing less than a miracle straight from Zane's Daddy and mine that is smiling down on us from heaven. I really believe the Lord healed and corrected sweet Zane's heart over the past few weeks. The only problem that was seen was that the heart was measuring a little small for my gestation, but the heart was perfectly proportional and looks as though it will continue to grow correctly. Zane, like every other baby, will just need as much time as possible to develop before I am holding him in my arms. I am overwhelmed by God's love through this miracle, He is so so good to us!
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Monday, April 11, 2011
How I Have Been Blessed in This Time
One night I was sitting alone in my room, shortly after hearing the news about my baby's chances of having trisomy 18. I was on my knees in the floor, feeling as though the weight of the world was resting on my shoulders. I felt as though all sense of joy had left me. When I am really happy I sing to myself, often without noticing that I'm doing it. In that moment on that particular evening I couldn't remember the last time I caught my self singing, I had lost my song. Finally, the biggest weight of all was the question of whether this was somehow punishment for the things I had done wrong in my life. I try to live a lifestyle that is honoring to the Lord, but have often failed. I began weeping, and begging the Lord for mercy over my baby's life, asking for a miracle. Then in a few final words I asked that God would give me peace, and speak to me directly through what I would read next in scripture.
I tend to read the bible in order, more strategically, and not so much picking random pages each day. On that day I was in Isaiah, and thus far it had focused on God's judgement and wrath, which did not really inspire much confidence that the next chapter would lift my spirits. However, as only God can time things, the timing was perfect. My next chapter was Isaiah 12, and it was unimaginably encouraging. Literally each word touched me, and applied to exactly where my heart was. I would encourage anyone to read it to see how fitting it was. It has been one of the biggest blessings, a sort of calm in this storm I have found myself in the center of.
On a separate note, I am 17 weeks today and had another doctor's appointment. It was my first time meeting this doctor, and he was amazing, possibly the best OB I have met thus far, and I have met quite a few over the past few years. The biggest blessing of this appointment was hearing that sweet little heart beat, so baby has made it through another week, and another day. Please continue you your prayers, it is such a powerful tool that we have all been blessed with.
I tend to read the bible in order, more strategically, and not so much picking random pages each day. On that day I was in Isaiah, and thus far it had focused on God's judgement and wrath, which did not really inspire much confidence that the next chapter would lift my spirits. However, as only God can time things, the timing was perfect. My next chapter was Isaiah 12, and it was unimaginably encouraging. Literally each word touched me, and applied to exactly where my heart was. I would encourage anyone to read it to see how fitting it was. It has been one of the biggest blessings, a sort of calm in this storm I have found myself in the center of.
On a separate note, I am 17 weeks today and had another doctor's appointment. It was my first time meeting this doctor, and he was amazing, possibly the best OB I have met thus far, and I have met quite a few over the past few years. The biggest blessing of this appointment was hearing that sweet little heart beat, so baby has made it through another week, and another day. Please continue you your prayers, it is such a powerful tool that we have all been blessed with.
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