How I Have Been Blessed in This Time

One night I was sitting alone in my room, shortly after hearing the news about my baby's chances of having trisomy 18. I was on my knees in the floor, feeling as though the weight of the world was resting on my shoulders. I felt as though all sense of joy had left me. When I am really happy I sing to myself, often without noticing that I'm doing it. In that moment on that particular evening I couldn't remember the last time I caught my self singing, I had lost my song. Finally, the biggest weight of all was the question of whether this was somehow punishment for the things I had done wrong in my life. I try to live a lifestyle that is honoring to the Lord, but have often failed. I began weeping, and begging the Lord for mercy over my baby's life, asking for a miracle. Then in a few final words I asked that God would give me peace, and speak to me directly through what I would read next in scripture.

I tend to read the bible in order, more strategically, and not so much picking random pages each day. On that day I was in Isaiah, and thus far it had focused on God's judgement and wrath, which did not really inspire much confidence that the next chapter would lift my spirits. However, as only God can time things, the timing was perfect. My next chapter was Isaiah 12, and it was unimaginably encouraging. Literally each word touched me, and applied to exactly where my heart was. I would encourage anyone to read it to see how fitting it was. It has been one of the biggest blessings, a sort of calm in this storm I have found myself in the center of.

On a separate note, I am 17 weeks today and had another doctor's appointment. It was my first time meeting this doctor, and he was amazing, possibly the best OB I have met thus far, and I have met quite a few over the past few years. The biggest blessing of this appointment was hearing that sweet little heart beat, so baby has made it through another week, and another day. Please continue you your prayers, it is such a powerful tool that we have all been blessed with.